Wings Unfurled
It was the coldest day of the year. You know the kind – when the wind whips your hair around and the bone-chilling cold stings your face in spite of your efforts to dress for the weather. I unloaded my car into the tiny cabin in the woods, toting an armful of groceries in one arm while managing the dog leash of Paisley the Rhodesian Ridgeback in the other.
At the urging of friends, I was taking a few days to retreat into the woods to ritualize a major life transition - as in, the big and scary kind.
I got unpacked, changed into sweatpants, lit a fire and poured myself a glass of wine. I sat down on the cozy couch, and my mind started asking the questions - the loudest and most forceful of them being: “What did you just do?” On December 31, 2014, I jumped off of a very comfortable and well-furnished cliff to test my wings of self-employment.
Many asked, “Why would you give up a good job like that – isn’t that risky?” Why, yes – it was definitely risky. It’s the riskiest thing I have ever done. But I had to. I needed to. I wanted to. I worked in hospice, in a beautiful office, with kind coworkers and employees, and had worked my way to the assistant director’s role. I finally had an office with a window – a common metric some folks use to define success.
But when the topic of my resignation would arise, most looked at me like I needed someone to take my temperature, or check to see if I was oriented to time and place. Life has a way of moving ahead, whether you are on that train or standing there watching it pull away from the station. And for me, the desire to be on that train was driven by the knowledge that I had more that lived inside me – and that this nice, comfy, safe office environment was not going to be the place where I would be able to unpack that creativity and thrive.
Survive, yes. Thrive, no. I am a writer.
Down to my bones, the very creation of a booklet or a blog post or a newsletter fills me with excitement and anticipation. And while I have done my share of writing throughout my hospice years, there are more projects that live inside of me that I needed to breathe life into – that called my name, demanded my attention, and wouldn’t let up.
I needed flexibility. I needed space. I needed downtime to free the creativity from the oppressive, binding walls of 9 to 5 (or, 8 to 6:30 – it’s hospice, you know).
When my writer archetype was asking permission to come out, she was usually squashed by the heels of my manager archetype, who had a much more urgent list of “to-do” items that ruled the calendar.
Working with hospice patients – and later supervising hospice professionals who were making a difference at the bedside – were foundational for me as I listened for years to the calling.
And that calling, like a rejected child hanging her head low, waited patiently for me to listen. I had convinced myself that I was too scared to take the leap of faith. And then, the conundrum – I was also too scared to NOT take the leap of faith. My heart’s longing was to create change and to make a difference. Cliché, I know. The more I lived, the more I knew that contentment was an inside job, and the road to a fulfilled life was to pass on the goodwill.
For me, that means that the knowledge held inside was, well - inside. It doesn’t do much good unless I share it.
I have seen firsthand the results of a well-informed and supported hospice patient and family, and knowing what to expect in a very difficult life transition can transform the death experience for all involved. Sitting at the patient’s bedside as a hospice professional is sacred space. This experience prepared me to move outside of my comfort zone and unfurl the wings that were given to me, and reach others who would benefit from the information in the booklets.
What lights a fire in my soul? Reaching thousands of people, nationwide and beyond, who have questions about the end-of-life issues, and writing the booklets with intentional attention to the delivery of information in a soft, compassionate, and inviting manner. With the website, word of mouth, and the belief that this was a large part of my life’s purpose, my dream was launched and Wings of Change Publications was born.
There is something to be said about throwing caution to the wind to launch a dream. I trust that when you do the right thing, you will fly. You are a part of our flight! Thank you for being a part of our unfurling and for visiting our site. We have a lot of helpful ideas and articles in store for you! Be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn and sign up for our TEND newsletters and future blog posts.
Check back with us often. We will build community here, and you’ll want to be a part of it. We promise.
We don't want you to miss out on anything. Sign up for the TEND eLetter and be the first to hear about:
- discounts only available to TEND subscribers
- Hygge for Hospice Professionals Giveaway
- New Product Releases
- Blog posts to help you as an EOL professional
- Team member recognition ideas
Scroll down to the NEWS & UPDATES section below to sign up so you don't miss out!
Comments
Kathy
As an observer of transformation, I cheer those who are courageous enough to leap. I’ve listened to many of my bereavement clients who have used the “Butterfly” booklet. Throughout their hospice experience of watching their loved one decline, they were better able to understand what was happening and the booklet gave them ideas of how to be present. They would rave about how they continue to go back to the booklet (it’s important to go back so you can then go forward) to better “make meaning” of the hospice experience. It is part of their task to return to a new normal. I highly recommend this booklet and look forward to continuing learning from this blog. What a wonderful opportunity!
June 06, 2017
Karen Inglis
The words are written so the reader is taken through the hospice experience from every vantage point.The booklet makes the difficult process easier to comprehend. It takes you through the transformation like the butterfly. Beautiful. Thank You!
June 06, 2017
Rebecca Wallace
Thank you for sharing your comments about your clients who have benefitted from reading the materials! This is affirmation of our mission here at Wings of Change, and we love hearing that in little ways, the booklets make a difference! Many thanks for taking the time out of a busy schedule to send on the feedback.
June 06, 2017
Rebecca Wallace
Our ultimate goal is to do just as you said: to help make a difficult process easier to comprehend. We use the metaphor of caterpillar to butterfly and other nature metaphors in our materials because most people can relate to nature in some way. Thank you so much for the feedback!
June 06, 2017
Debi Needham
This booklet is a beautiful guide to helping a loved one pass as kindly possible.Having lost my Mother to cancer, I know this booklet would have helped me be a better caregiver to my Mom before she died. The information and steps in this eloquent booklet truly capture how to cope and how to help the loved one who is dying. Comforting and being near are two of the most important things a caregiver can do.
The best part of this booklet is the part, “How Can I Comfort My Loved One.” These passages in Part One and Two are so simple, yet, the suggestions will ease the sadness of the Caregiver, and give he or she the courage to be with the patient until the end.
This booklet should be in every hospital and doctor’s office. Really, it is that good.
June 06, 2017
Kathy
I just completed my reading of “The Nature of Grief: Healing and Honoring the Seasons of Loss.” This booklet offers so much hope to its intended readers and those who love them. It’s written in such gentle, loving-kindness for those who are grieving and for those who may choose to learn about the process of grief. As I read, I felt lifted and affirmed in my own grief and found many wonderful suggestions to honor my process of grieving. I also found beautiful inspirational statements that I can hold onto as grief is encountered. I especially will hold the quote from Elizabeth Lesser “Grief is love with no place to put it.” My own experience is that my heart has a huge hole in it that at times seems to want to take over my life. Now when I lose a sense of life and love, I’ll try to remember that it is my love talking to me and wanting to be given to me or to another. My thanks to Becky and Terri for giving us such a beautiful gift for life beyond loss.
June 06, 2017
DrVerlean
Unfurled Wings really blessed me. I believe I am within months of experiencing the same type transition. I am amazed by the fierce pull to stay and go all at once. Thanks for sharing, leaping in 2017.
June 06, 2017
Rebecca Wallace
Thank YOU for sharing! We tend to stay “in our heads” to analyze life changes, and neglect to acknowledge how important our heart’s message is as well. Both are important. Our feelings are a messenger to us, and when we listen, beautiful opportunities reveal themselves. Best wishes as you unfurl your capable and resilient wings!
June 06, 2017
Rebecca Wallace
Thank YOU Kathy for your positive feedback and your shared experiences. Grief is an experience of many emotions, and our hope in writing The Nature of Grief is one of providing gentle support and knowledge that helps everyone’s healing process. There is life beyond loss, and part of that realization is recognizing the growth and movement that comes as a result of the grief we process. Our best to you!
June 06, 2017
Leave a comment
Also in Wings of Change Publications
From Heart-based Words to Meaningful Action: Transforming the Patient’s Hospice Experience Using the Nature Gave Us Butterflies Booklet
February 16, 2021
We’re celebrating the return of heart-based/heart-centered care - it was never completely gone, but let’s revisit the basics.
When I first started working in hospice, we had regulations, but there was more space to care. To spend time. To reminisce and connect and develop relationships. We were definitely practicing the concept of meraki.
Today, there is more pressure than ever to meet productivity standards, document well, and prove eligibility. We still put our souls into it, but we do so feeling more pressured and rushed.
Whether you are just starting in the hospice industry or you are an experienced hospice professional, we can't help feeling that pressure to perform, do more, be more. We don't have time to waste.
That's why it's so important to make the most of your time with the patients and their families. As we talk to our customers, the overarching theme always comes back to the stresses of the job mentioned above.
Hospice nursing turnover rates are 19%. That means one year from now, 1 out of 5 of your nurses will no longer work with you. Industry experts say that it costs between 1-2 years for new employees to be fully productive in their role.
The solution? Well-trained, highly engaged employees can reduce a company's turnover rate by 25-59%.
While employee education is a challenging, never-ending job, we'd like to give you a resource for training your staff to make it easier on your education coordinator and easier on your staff, too. The best part? It’s free!
Often, there is a chasm between a hospice professional's intentions to teach and actually teaching. Not because they aren’t doing their job - but because they are focused on the whole of their job - meeting everyone’s needs, all of the visits, the meds, the equipment, the caregiver issues - and it’s difficult to settle in and focus on educating the caregiver when the whole of their job is calling.
We set out to help the end-of-life professional practice heart-centered care. What does that mean? It means that we take the time to teach, support, encourage, listen, answer questions, connect, and be emotionally available. It means that you are transforming those heart-based words into action that benefits the patient and caregiver.
Then what happens? Your patient/family satisfaction rate and caregiver confidence increases. Caregiver anxiety decreases. And if your team member is trained well, she knows exactly how to deliver and highlight the important parts of end-of-life care.
That’s where Nature Gave Us Butterflies comes in. We’ve known for a long time that Nature Gave Us Butterflies, Hospice Edition is a game-changer when it comes to educating the patient and family. It is a touchstone in heart-centered care, serving as a reference that your professionals can return to over and over to reinforce their teaching between visits.
We want our customers to get every ounce of value and meaning from this booklet - part of the end-of-life professional’s toolkit. So we developed our new training guides that will be included in every order of Nature Gave Us Butterflies, Hospice Edition.
The training guides are designed to help your Orientation/Education/Inservice Coordinator train new and existing staff on how to use this booklet to effectively educate caregivers and reinforce their teachings. Here are some highlights of the training guide, which is yours for the asking! The training guides:
Imagine the peace of mind in knowing all of your team members are maximizing the use of this teaching resource while checking in with caregivers on the quality of their visit - each visit. It’s all available to you, free for the asking!
You can request your training guides right here.
You can see Nature Gave Us Butterflies, the touchstone tool for end-of-life teaching right here.
When used as the touchstone that they were developed to be, the training guides will ensure that everyone on your team is using Nature Gave Us Butterflies consistently. Training guides are available free to those who purchase Nature Gave Us Butterflies, Hospice Edition because we want you to squeeze every ounce of value out of our resources.
You can help your team members be consistent, reinforce their teaching, and improve your CAHPS survey results and patient satisfaction by using the training guides to maximize the benefit of Nature Gave Us Butterflies.
We’re in this with you. Let us know what you think!
Sources: www.builtin.com/employee-turnover-statistics
We don't want you to miss out on anything. Sign up for the TEND eLetter and be the first to hear about:
Scroll down to the NEWS & UPDATES section below to sign up so you don't miss out!
Continue reading
When You Live What You Write: My Training Ground for The Whisper of the Fallen Oak
February 05, 2021
May 2, 2018 is emblazoned in my mind. My dad was being released from the hospital after suffering a low sodium-low potassium episode and his ability to care for himself was markedly diminished. His dementia was progressing quickly, and his needs went from mild to major within the period of a week. My mom was his caregiver every now and then; it was clear that this had shifted into a full-time job, and none of us were able to hide from my dad’s decline. It was front and center.
My otherwise (proudly) independent parents, who were planning a move and the sale of their house in June to be closer to me in a neighboring state, were faced with the need to move earlier than planned so I could be their support person nearby.
My mom grabbed their most basic needs from their home and we pulled up to the hospital drive, loaded up my dad, and high-tailed it to my home 6 hours away. They moved in with us for 6 weeks until their apartment was ready.
My parents were lovely house guests. They would sit on the porch when my husband was mowing the lawn and watch the activity of the neighborhood. Even in the midst of caregiving for him - along with all of the sadness and frustration - we will also cherish the funny moments. My dad would tell my mom that my husband was “the landlord” and they needed to watch themselves because he didn’t want to get “kicked out.” He stuffed his pockets with cookies for breakfast. He still wanted a beer every now and again. His sweet tooth which never existed prior to his Alzheimer’s diagnosis was in full force, requiring us to keep a lot more ice cream and cookies in the house than we did when the kids were small..
He also pocketed his prized coffee cup coaster he received from his last job at a war museum, proudly showing it off to the hospice staff. There were still glimmers of who he was peeking through the cloud of confusion and decline.
My parents at our wedding reception, 2017.
He talked to my mom’s pig figurines and called them “police dogs.” He conversed with people on television. He offered to share his meals with “the others” in the “hospital." He thought my mother was his mother at times, and then at other times he would sweetly reflect on how good his wife was to him.
There were, of course, many moments that felt like years. He clung to my mom and felt safer when she was within his field of vision. If she would go outside, he would shuffle throughout the house looking for her - she was his safety and security. He forgot how to use a fork. He lost the ability to understand simple commands like “sit down” or “stand up.” As many of you know, one never knows what to expect next, and I feel fortunate to have a mom who copes well and is able to find the humor in the midst of what is really, well . . . the loss of a human being right before your eyes. My sweet little dad, disintegrating and regressing, was slipping away.
As a writer, I knew I was in my own personal version of a topic incubator, especially writing for the end-of-life care industry. While I thought it would be difficult to face these topics, my overwhelming takeaway from the experience with my dad is this: caregivers of persons with dementia need support. Not just a little support, not just a check-in - but real, consistent presence.
Healthcare professionals who provide services to those living with dementia and their caregivers know this. They teach it often. During our experience with my dad, it became clear to me that this information - though taught - needed a way to stick.
There were times where we were so overwhelmed, we were unable to retain it. There were times when we felt no one understood the depth of our pain. There were times when people in stores and restaurants, not understanding his dementia, looked the other way not knowing how to respond. There were times of isolation, sadness, and hopelessness. My mom, in her 70s, functioned on very little sleep.
Experience tends to map out our next steps in life, so I set out to write a booklet that was a companion to those caring for their loved one who has dementia. The result is The Whisper of the Fallen Oak: A Family’s Guide to Early, Middle, Late and End-stage Dementia. Using the life cycle of the oak tree metaphor to explain the stages of dementia, the booklet gently guides caregivers through the decisions and emotions of the caregiver experience.
In every stage of life, our loved ones have value and worth. When the challenges of caregiving are intense, this booklet offers hope and understanding in the midst of overwhelm and exhaustion. The booklet gives step-by-step suggestions for action items that need to be taken care of each step of the way. Covering topics such as anticipatory grief, legal and financial planning, advance directives, nursing home placement By knowing what to expect, we can decrease caregiver anxiety and increase caregiver confidence.
It is my hope that this booklet can ease the pain of others during a sometimes lonely, exhausting, and overwhelming time in the lives of caregivers. Visit our new booklet here to see how it may help you, your clients, or someone you know who is caregiving for someone with dementia. Be sure to send us your thoughts on the booklet, too.
We don't want you to miss out on anything. Sign up for the TEND eLetter and be the first to hear about:
Scroll down to the NEWS & UPDATES section below to sign up so you don't miss out!
Continue reading
Spirituality: Honoring the Deepest Needs of Patients, Caregivers, and Team Members
October 12, 2020
Often in end of life care, team work is valued and practiced daily. Nurses tend to the patient’s physical needs, social workers tend to social and emotional needs, and we leave the spiritual and religious aspects to the chaplain. While each of these areas of expertise is important, spirituality is the area that most team members find off limits and will gladly turf to the chaplain to handle. They may feel that their religious backgrounds aren’t “strong enough” or or feel lacking in knowledge about the Bible, history, beliefs, religions, and other culture’s religions to have those conversations, so they hand it over to the resident “spirituality expert” - the chaplain.
But what does your team chaplain want you to know about spirituality?
There is a difference between spirituality and religion. Practicing a religion can be a part of someone’s spirituality, but the concept of spirituality is much larger than attending a church service or saying a prayer. The etymology of the word spirit traces its root meaning back to the words life, breath, inspiration, respiration, and life. Ultimately, one definition of spirituality is that which brings us or fills us with life.
While the chaplain will help the patient, caregivers, and family members with religious practice and prayer, they are also keenly aware of how far-reaching spirituality is. For example, some people may feel far more in touch with a higher power when fly-fishing or riding their bike than sitting in church service. Gazing at the mountainside or sunset may help patients and family members feel connected to their spirituality over gathering in a building we call church.
What do your patients, families, and caregivers need to maximize the meaning of spirituality - that which gives us life? Beyond just surviving, how can they live in the time they have left? While the chaplain is trained and very able to hold the deeper conversations with patients and families, we can support the chaplain’s work by being intentional in our practice of the following:
It’s OK to sit without words, listen, and be present. As nurses, social workers, aides, pharmacists, doctors, and bereavement counselors, we often feel the need to have all the answers to all the questions. While it is important to help the patient and family with answers to their questions, sometimes feel our own internal pressures.
We may feel self-conscious with questions we don’t feel are within our expertise. When people are dying, what we convey in body language, presence, and eye contact may be more important than our words. You don’t have to have the answers 100% of the time. It’s OK to not know. It’s ok to sit with wonder. It’s OK to trust that the answer will come in time.
In reality, we are all carrying out our expertise to help support those meaningful moments of resolution, joy, gratitude, love, and forgiveness as patients transition.
The chaplain needs your help in creating an environment of openness, willingness, and truth. You know that feeling of fulfillment you get when you witness the patient and family share intimate moments, deep feelings, and meaningful words? Those are the moments end-of-life professionals carefully make space for and support in the patient’s life.
If the patient were in too much pain, those moments of deep connection may not occur because the patient would not be able to focus on emotional needs while their pain isn’t under control.
If the caregiver doesn’t have a comfort level and is scared to be alone with a dying person, those moments may not happen because anxiety gets in the way of sharing meaningful connections.
In the absence of trained and willing humans in their lives, many patients and family members may miss these meaningful opportunities to share memories, speak the apologies and forgive, and express the love and connection. Because end-of-life professionals have this experience, we gently encourage the communication and resolution between family members. When team members work toward physical comfort and encouraging communication in the family, they set the stage for those moments to occur. Ultimately, we are all working to take care of physical and social/emotional needs so that patients and families can touch their spiritual needs of connection and making meaning of their life and their death.
It’s not just important - it’s necessary - to honor your deepest needs when you work in hospice. How can you continue to honor your own deepest needs, feeding your soul and filling your tank to be the best service provider you can be? How is your spirituality expressed? What brings you life?
Tapping into your own spiritual, life-giving needs and fulfilling them is an investment in your present and future self. It creates a person who gives to others while taking care of herself. It creates a person in touch with her life’s purpose.
Pause to feel the wind on your face and the perfect light at sunset. Listen to the leaves blow through the neighborhood on the pavement. Take in the beauty of the lights in the city, the cattle on the country hillside, or the chill in the air as you sit on the porch. When do you feel most alive? Answer this question and do more of that.
There may have been a time where your team chaplain supported you after a difficult or challenging day. Today is the day to say thank you for their kindness, selflessness, and communication skills. A helpful and supportive team member is worth their weight in gold.
Thank you to all the chaplains who are present through the uncomfortable times. You and your willingness to hold the space for others to express emotions are invaluable additions to the team.
We don't want you to miss out on anything. Sign up for the TEND eLetter and be the first to hear about:
Scroll down to the NEWS & UPDATES section below to sign up so you don't miss out!
Continue reading